April, 2019
Angie had been away for a few days, watching the grandkids. When she came home, this is what she saw.
I offered no explanation and, at first, she didn’t ask. But eventually, curiosity won and she did. I told her the story, but she laughed and said she didn’t believe me.
There is the rub.
It doesn’t matter what I say, the observer will make up their mind based on how I look and their impression of me. So, here I present the 5 stories. You choose which one you like, or make up your own.
Story 1
I got hit with a curling iron.
Story 2
Sung to the tune of “Up Against The Wall Redneck Mother,”
He’s 68 and drinking in a honky-tonk,
Kicking hippies asses and raising hell.
Story 3
I got up in the middle of the night to go to the restroom, didn’t turn on a light but for some reason was wearing my glasses and collided with a door jam.
Story 4
I was asked if it was true that I had quit, retired or been fired? Here, I introduce the proverbial turn of the phrase, “You should see the other guy!”
Story 5
There might have been some alcohol involved late one night when I went out on the back deck to check the new porch lights I was testing before installing. These were those solar-charged LEDs that don’t put out any illumination and just mark a path to follow that are so popular these days. I was leaning over the rail to examine a prime site to install them in the next day, when I felt something furry brush my leg. Yes, it did startle me because we do have coyotes, foxes, raccoons, snakes and stray dogs that are occasionally found on the deck, even in the house. When I jerked away, I lost my balance and fell over the railing onto the driveway 12 feet down. It is a split level with a second story deck. Butt naked, I woke up the next morning looking like this. My glasses were broken, I hurt on the left from my forehead to my waist. I had double vision, but hey, that’s been there for a couple of years so that wasn’t of any concern. I didn’t have any open wounds, so luckily I didn’t have to come to the ED to get stitches.
So, here I have provided you with 5 options, in case you do not feel you are the creative sort. As I said, think what you want. If you want to see what other’s think, click here for The Unofficial Survey results.
Post Easter update from your grumpy Uncle/Brother, Dave.
Hubbard, Ray Wiley. “Up Against the Wall Redneck Mother.” Viva Terlingua. MCA Nashville Records, 1973.