7/2017
Contestant Number 1
Late one night, a well-dressed man was seen lying under a tree in a St. Joe neighborhood. A raccoon was seen behind him and the observer became concerned and called the police. When the paramedics arrived they found that the man had become incontinent of stool and the raccoon was dining on the product. He was taken to the emergency department to be evaluated. Needless to say, alcohol was involved.
The next day the ED received a call from the gentleman wanting to know if he was seen in the ER the previous night. Then he wanted to know what he was seen for. It was suggested that he probably didn’t want to know.
Contestant Number 2
At 4:30 Sunday morning, TaJuane (not really his name) came to the emergency department with 2 friends and his 6-month pregnant girlfriend. A deep cut on his left forearm was the reason for his visit. It seems, somebody had “dissed” him (shown disrespect to him) and he lost what little temper he had left and he punched a window. Showed that window who was boss; yup. So as I was sewing (suturing his wound), we talked about this and that. He used to work at Home Depot. Not anymore. I guess he used up some of that temper and got fired. So now, he can’t make his child support payments to the soon to be ex-wife and he and his girlfriend are having difficulty making house and food payments. Did I mention that no alcohol was involved, but meth was?
The next day, he returned to the emergency department. When the provider walked into the room, he said, “Wass dis” pointing to the wound I had closed so well? When he was told the summary of events the previous night, he was stupefied and could not recall any of it.
Like Johnny Carson was so fond of saying, you just can’t make this stuff up.
From your grumpy Uncle/Brother Dave. We may soon publish the winner.
Weary