7/2017
I applied for a new job today. Yeah, I guess 29 years of this emergency room business kind of led to this move in more ways than one.
I’m getting older and could use a slower pace. I’ve built up a lot of motivation that will apply to the mission of the new position. It will still provide the 0-190 mph rush in the blink of an eye that I’ve always loved about Emergency Medicine. It will have a deeply satisfying ambiance that will help soothe my soul.
Chuckle, chuckle.
Having worked for the last 18 years on predominantly night weekend shifts, I have an extreme amount of experience dealing with colleagues that don’t work in the emergency department; calls under very trying conditions. Meaning, I have had to call them at odd and usually inconvenient hours to discuss convoluted, complex and often baffling situations. These are not trifling conversations. These are about transferring care of a patient that usually involve critical thinking and decision making that will affect life or death and at least the well being of the patient. People could die from wrong decisions. People have died from wrong decisions.
In making these calls, I have met with irritation at being bothered (even though it is their job), failure/difficulty in communication (on both ends), anger, indifference, petulance, petty one-ups-man-ship, narcissism, sleep talking and even vindictive attitudes that have been so severe that they almost led to physical confrontation.
Just the other night, one of my Emergency Medicine colleagues ran into the well known (to us) ass-chewing situation. Whatever the wrong perceived by the non-emergency medicine physician, it was felt that an ass-chewing was in order. My colleague, being the usual emergency department diplomat, apologized profusely, tried (in vain) to explain in various ways what the ass-chewer did not grasp about the situation but in the end proffered contrition. Cowered. Rolled over and peed on the floor.
Yeah, it sounds wimpy but it is only one method of backing out of a situation at 3 am when you have a packed ED and mad inpatient patients (there has got to be a story in that contradiction of meanings) waiting on you to get off the phone. There are actually several techniques for dealing with these situations. No medical school teaches them, except for the school of hard knocks.
One of my favorite, learned by chance years ago, is what I can only compare to a “bait and switch” technique. In this situation, it is quickly obvious that the non-ED physician is going to be a butt-head. I immediately insert a calm, cool tone to my usual professional manner. As the conversation/ass-chewing proceeds, I interject comments that are highly relevant to the care of the patient but have nothing to do with the ass-chewing I am getting at that second. I change the subject with redirection. The ass-chewer, partially asleep, takes a second or two to catch up with my thoughts. But as soon as he/she does, I change the direction again. Eventually, they figure out that I am doing this on purpose and calm down, hang up or explode. When they ask if I am doing this on purpose, I say, “Yeah, I Don’t care how long you yell at me, I don’t plan to get any sleep tonight.”
But, I’ve strayed from my topic and need to get back to my new job prospect. There isn’t actually a position for this job, yet. But I’m hoping that the higher-ups will see the advantages and get on board.
I want to be a 24 hour, 7 days a week, on call any time of day or night, anywhere ass-chewer first-responder.
See, how it works is that when an ED physician starts getting what they perceive to be an undeserved ass-chewing, they can hit a button on their smartphone that links my smartphone in a 3-way call mode. Off I go, hell-bent to mirror the chewing of ass. In the other direction. It can be set up so that the ED physician can choose a variety of flavors. For instance, with or without colorful language on my part, depending on their tolerance of such language.
I’ve submitted the proposal so keep your fingers crossed, I hope to hear back soon.
Your grumpy Uncle/Brother Dave.
Weary