Satire,irony, sarcasm – Page 15

Butane Control

7/2017

A recent designer “synthetically enhanced marijuana” is made using marijuana and butane. Commercially grown marijuana is harvested and using butane as a solvent, the tetrahydrocannabinol is extracted in extremely high concentrations. The resulting extract can be smoked, injected or ingested and results in an enhanced marijuana high.

It seems the overwhelming social concern is not the drug dependency, societal issues or legality but that butane is flammable and that this might lead to house/apartment fires from mom and pop (oops, make that son and daughter) enterprises. So, look forward to there being a shortage of butane on the market because the liberals have passed laws restricting its retail sale. If you are in the market for summer BBQ equipment, I’d suggest charcoal over butane/propane.

Some random musings from your grumpy Uncle/Brother Dave.

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The Family Tree

7/2017

At least in Christian culture, families would historically keep the family information in the family Bible. Information such as dates of births, marriages, deaths and other significant family events. Those that weren’t Christian would use other methods, such as word of mouth, journals and other filing systems.

Today, one has the option to use the Roy and Ginger Rogers system.

When the wife dies, you skin her and have her stuffed so the tattoos on her back, neck, legs, torso and breasts can be preserved for the names and dates of birth of all her children and husbands, memorials to the loss of significant family members and other information. This system also allows families to keep life sized replicas of their loved ones close, for the comfort they offer.

Like Roy Rogers and Trigger.

It does get crowded over time though. Like Qin Shi Huang’s terra cotta warriors.

Well hell, at least the staff thought it was funny. And most of them have
tattoos.

From your grumpy Uncle/Brother Dave.

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Cutthroat

7/2017

I was listening to NPR (I admire National Public Radio for the public display of their stupidity) and there was a program on cutthroat trout being endangered by the more popular rainbow trout. Such a sad event and we, humans, are responsible. Well, all that is a given. If you listen to NPR, you’d know that any wildlife program is about the threatened status of the topic species and we humans are the cause. But beyond that, there is the statement by the NPR interviewer that went uncorrected by the cutthroat trout “expert” that was interviewed.

I don’t remember the statement verbatim but the interviewer expressed his surprise that a trout named cutthroat would be less than vicious in maintaining it’s position in nature and let a trout named rainbow take away it’s habitat. As if the wimpy rainbow was bullying the stoic, tough cutthroat. And he was serious, expressing this a couple of times in the program.

What an idiot. The guy didn’t even bother to look up the topic he was discussing. Cutthroat trout derive their name from the slash of bright red color along the lower jaw region. It has nothing to do with it’s tenacity. (1)

There is the following statement. “Cutthroat trout spawn in the spring and may inadvertently but naturally [emphasis added] hybridize with rainbow trout, producing fertile “cutbows”.

There is note that the US Bureau of Fisheries has had a breeding program for cutthroat trout and has exported over 800 million eggs to park hatcheries throughout the US. I have personally benefited from this program by fishing cutthroat trout in Arkansas.

But, alas. It was a national reporter that didn’t get his show prep off research on google. Things might be improving after all.

Your fly fishing grumpy Uncle/Brother Dave.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cutthroat_trout

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Russian-Ukrainian Crime

7/2017

As John Travolta’s character Vinnie Barbarino used to say in the TV sitcom Welcome Back Cotter (1975-79), “I’m so confused.”

First, there is this news story (1) about some Ukrainian-Russians that stole a bee farmer’s bee-hives.

I have to ask, were they Russian or were they Ukrainian? If you ask them, neither identifies as both. The Ukrainians say they are Ukrainians, even those that grew up under Russian rule, and that they are not Russian. The news reports daily that the Russians are invading Ukraine and trying to ethnically cleanse it. If you ask a Russian if he is anything else, well just stand back because the least you will get is a verbal lambasting and you may have to resort to physical self-defense.

And then there is the issue that Russian bashing is now the rage. Since Trump took office. Before Trump, the Russians and socialism were all the rage in liberal-think. They (liberals) have been in bed with the socialist agenda and their “Hero’s Have Always Been Russians”, so to speak, since liberalism was born. Of course, Putin has made hay with that. What I mean is that by publicly complimenting Trump, bashing Trump-haters and sending emissaries to meet with Trump, he has effectively fueled the fire for the liberals to drag Trump across the media coals whether he means what he says or not.

And thirdly, we have been told that the Russian Mafia has arrived. It must be true because there have been countless movies with Russians portrayed as the character(s) everyone loves to hate or be scared of. They are rumored to be involved in drugs, theft, human trafficking, prostitution… .

Surely, this isn’t a case of a confused Russian thug who was told to go out and get some of America’s sweet honey pot and he came home with 488 Montana bee-hives instead of 488 virgin maidens?

So, which is it? Putin or the Russian Mafia?

“Law enforcement suspects that Ukrainian-Russians are stealing bee-hives to finance organized crime rings.” (1) The beehives were reported to have been worth $170,000. We all know from books and movies that a thief can only expect to get about 30% return on stolen goods. So just how much crime does $51,000 buy in this place called the Russian-Ukraine, or is that Ukrainian-Russia? I’d estimate that profits from drugs, theft, human trafficking and prostitution in the US accounts for more than the national budget of any 2 other first world countries. And this bee-hive theft occurred in the US. Talk about setting your sights low.

Thoughts on disorganized American-Ukrainian-Russian crime from your grumpy Uncle/Brother Dave.

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/05/15/montana-beekeepers-stolen-hives-are-recovered-in-sting-operation.html

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Better Commumication

7/2017

I propose that there here should be 2 common and closely related (yet opposite) neuro encephalopathic disorders that use the term “loquacious/loquaciousness”. Loquacious means talking too much, or as Shelby used to say “windy”. They may present in an individual or in a family but there is no genetic relationship, i.e. direct relatives as well as spouses may be equally affected. While not previously described in the scientific literature, I think they need to be brought into the light of day because it is my opinion that they are prevalent and epidemic in proportion.

If I may elaborate.

Type A is along the theme of “filling the void of silence”. It consists of individuals that feel that no period in time should be without words being spoken, however brief or however long the period of time. It is not a conscious act because if you ask the individual (or in any other manner let them know what you think) they will deny that they talk too much. It appears to be more common in men but that is an aberration of observation. This is because the stereotypical assumption is that men talk less than women causing the appearance of or noticeability of the men talking more than expected. I propose that this disorder be called Unassociated Situational Loquaciousness Interpositional Syndrome. (1) This lends itself to a handy acronym USLIS, pronounced useless.

Class II is almost the exact mirror image or the opposite of Type A in that there is an indirect relationship rather than a proportional or direct relationship to silence. When another person speaks, there is a compulsion to speak at the same time. It is almost like the on button is connected to a common switch. When the other stops, the affected individual stops, also. Most adults today have seen this disorder, although they may not recognize that they have. I am speaking of something that most will recognize in the movie and TV series MASH with the character Radar O’Riely. I propose that this disorder be called Concomitant Loquacious Multiplex Encephalopathy. (2)

The prevalence is equal. Individuals usually suffer only Type A disorder or Class II disorder, but there are a few that have both.

Neither of these should be confused with a psychological disorder resulting in incoherent speech/writing called Logorrhea. Incoherent because of the excessive use of big words used in confusing, complex phraseology in an effort to impress or distract others.

Respectfully submitted by your succinct and laconic grumpy Uncle/Brother Dave.

Talking too much when there is no need or desire on the listener’s part to hear what the individual is saying.
Talking too much about nothing at the same time someone else is trying to impart useful, important information.

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