Satire,irony, sarcasm – Page 12

Signs of Our Times

March, 2012

Houston

Standing in the Houston-Bush International terminal while waiting for a connecting flight, I watched an information monitor flip from a map of the US with delays speckled in green and red and some nonsense infomercials. Then I noticed that there was a ticker banner running across the timed portion of the delay-broadcast. It said, “The Secretary of DHS has determined that Venezuelan airports servicing…” and at that point it switched to the infomercial, which had no ticker banner. Since I understand that Houston-Bush International services airports in Venezuela, I thought I might be interested in what the old Secretary of DHS had determined. So I waited for the delay-broadcast to come around. It did and it cut off the Secretary’s determination, again. In fact for the 30 minutes that I stood there watching (there was little else that I will admit to watching) it never got around to informing the traveling public what threat on our security these Venezuelan airports posed, if any.

St. Louis

Driving east on I-70 entering the St. Louis metropolis there is a billboard sign showing us, “Hot tasty butts” and a picture of 2 naked butts. Well, pig butts. The sign goes on to advertise “Little Piggy’s BBQ.”

Amarillo

Driving west on I-40, entering Amarillo is a billboard sign telling us that “Fuzzy Butts” has all our liquor needs. I’m not sure I want to know what fuzzy butts are.

Most of Missouri

The Missouri Department of Transportation, MODOT, has sponsored many large digital billboards that are pixel light boards connected to the Internet so that they can broadcast information to the driving public. Various messages are broadcast and change with MODOT’s needs.

“Buckle up for safety.”
“Dial *55 for emergencies.”
“Don’t drink and drive.”

But this last one was an epiphany for me.

“Don’t text and drive.”

The state of Missouri is texting its motoring constituents to not text and drive!

Our tax dollars at work.

From your grumpy Uncle/Brother Dave.

Weary

The Nocturnist

I learned a new word today. New to me that is. Nocturnist. I’d never heard that term before.

Immediately, from my vast Latin training, I figured that it had something to do with specializing in night time. Or people that just urinated at night or something.

Well, I was close. if one turns to google (and where else would one turn for an expert opinion) you find that a nocturnist is a hospitalist (a physician that practices in a hospital setting as opposed to an office setting) that only works night shift. The term has been around for awhile, at least 10 years. Where have I been?

So, if nocturnist means a night shift hospitalist, what am I? There is no special, uniquely identifying term to describe a night shift emergency physician.

What does one call a clerk that works the night shift at Casey’s, McDonald’s or as an OTR truck driver?

What do you call the night shift Windows 10 techy working in India? Never mind, I know what I call them.

Your grumpy Uncle/Brother Dave, wondering at the need to be so uniquely identified.

Weary

Just Like Home

July 2017

In the mid 80s, we were taught about a new concept in labor and delivery. Birthing centers or birthing rooms were all the rage (and still are) in an attempt to provide a more comfortable, natural environment for the delivering Mom and family. The old sterile labor and delivery rooms were dolled up to look like middle class bedrooms or living rooms. Food, music, family and all the accouterments that one would expect in the home village.

And, last week, I took (for the 16th time in my career) my ACLS certification course. In the curriculum, there is now a section on dealing with death. The new concept is a death counseling room that does not look or feel like a sterile, cold clinical exam room should be provided in which the physician can inform the family of the unfortunate demise of their loved one.

So, I have to believe that the concept is valid. When I came back to work, I proposed that we, too, try to put the patient in a comfortable , familiar home-like room for the ED exam and treatment. Like cribs. You know, crack houses. Filthy rooms with trash littering all over the floor, old dirty used instruments and condoms scattered around, in the sink and on the instrument tray. Shit and pee in the corner. Just like home.

Your grumpy Uncle/Brother Dave.

Weary

The US Secrete Service and You

7/2017

The United States Secret Service has put out a bid order for someone to develop computer software (compatible with Windows 8) that can detect whether or not a communication in the social arena is sarcasm or not.

The contract is on a 5-year cycle, essentially giving hackers 5-years to “catch up”. Remember when the iPhone came out. It was touted as un-hackable? It took some 14-year old in NYC 36 hours to hack it. Or something like that.

So the fact that they are experiencing problems determining if a piece of com data is sarcasm or not means they are reading the com data, right? Well, of course they are. Everybody knows that!

And if everybody knows that, why is the news so full of squalk about NSA reading com data?

But wait a minute, the Secret Service? Aren’t they responsible for the President’s and other’s security and financial crimes? Why would they be interested in com data that is 99.9% teenage twits, flicks, sexting and selfies? Maybe they are looking just at the President’s social media participation and not yours?

Nope, the Patriot act added the phrase, “Use of new technology as a means to commit a crime.” to their mission. Rather broad scope, if you ask me.

Or, I guess they are just bored.

Never mind.

Grumpy Uncle/Brother Dave.

Weary.

Repeating History

7/2017

I’ve admired Edmond Burke and his quotes. One of my favorites is, “Those who don’t know history are doomed to repeat it.”

Very appropriate for current times. For instance, Bernie Sanders. Let’s see, Stalin and Castro are 2 examples of democratic socialists (which is how Bernie categorizes himself) and are responsible for the majority of deaths of their respective country’s population for the century of their rule.

And then, along comes somebody to upset the apple cart.

Kurt Vonnegut is probably the most read of the least read authors of which I’m aware. His take on the issue is, “We’re doomed to repeat the past no matter what. That’s what it is to be alive. It’s pretty dense kids who haven’t figured that out by the time they’re ten… . Most kids can’t afford to go to Harvard and be misinformed.”

Musings from your favorite grumpy Uncle/Brother Dave

Weary.