7/2017
New additions to Dorlands Medical Dictionary
Constipation
noun | con·sti·pa·tion |kän-stə-ˈpā-shən|
First known use; 15th century
1 :Passage of unusually hard dry lumps of stool with bowel movements.
2 :Having an unusually high load of stool contained in the colon (commonly referred to as being full of shit).
3 :Coming to the emergency department for abdominal pain and spending about $10,000 to be told that you need a $2 laxative.
Placebo
noun |pla·ce·bo |plə-ˈsē-(ˌ)bō|
Origin and Etymology; Latin, I shall please
1 :A pharmacologically inert preparation prescribed more for the mental relief of the patient than for its actual effect on a disorder
2 :An inert or innocuous substance used especially in controlled experiments testing the efficacy of another substance (as a drug)
3 :Something tending to soothe
4 :A fictitious diagnosis that justifies this visit to the emergency department at 2:27 am on a Sunday night/Monday morning for something that has been present for 6 months and for which there is no physical or chemical abnormality resulting in a normal physical exam and laboratory testing.
Angina Pectoris
adjective |angina |an-ˈjī-nəl, ˈan-jə-|
noun |pec·to·ris |-ˈpek-t(ə-)rəs|
Origin and Etymology; Latin, Pain in the chest
1 :A disease marked by brief paroxysmal attacks of chest pain precipitated by deficient oxygenation of the heart muscles
2 :A respectful method of not having to go to jail when you get stopped for speeding home after a few too many at your local watering hole
3 :The best way to get a field trip to someplace that has a bunch of young, cute women that will attend to you for several hours when you are in prison for life for murder
Laceration
noun |lac·er·a·tion |la-sə-ˈrā-shən|
First known use 1597
1 :A deep cut or tear of the flesh
2 :What happens when your 240 lb 6-year-old bumps his knee on the coffee table reaching for the remote to change the TV to the cartoon channel after you told him to come inside because it was too hot to play outside
From your grumpy Uncle/Brother Dave.
Weary.