7/2017
Well, it was bound to happen. You’ll hear about it anyway so I might as well tell my side now.
I got fired and arrested yesterday. Security was waiting for me when I got to work. They searched my truck and found some drugs that I have been pilfering for some time. Quite a bit of drugs actually. It was a non-violent offense, so my wife was able to make bail.
So, if you please, don’t talk to the press. I guess you’ll have to talk to the FBI when they call so I won’t tell you what to say, just remember I’m still family.
They came to the house and confiscated all the guns and some other stuff. I don’t know if my brother will be able to get them back or not. I hope so, for you all ’cause I’ll not be able to have any guns any more anyway.
Don’t call, ’cause I’m sure the phone lines are tapped. E-mail should be OK, though.
Love, your now very grumpy Uncle/Brother Dave.
April 2, 2015 12:01 AM
Subject: Sorry, Part 2
So you thought your Uncle/Brother/Dad might just be involved in a surreptitious drug industry? Tisk, tisk.
And, If I was that I’d be caught? Tisk, tisk.
Before skedaddling to parts unknown? Tisk, tisk.
From your Grumpy Uncle/Brother Dave, just welcoming in the month of April.
Weary.
PS April 1, 2015 2:36 PM, I sent Sorry. It seemed to have caught a couple of family members unaware.